2 a.m. and still contemplating...

I have no idea why I was even thinking about this..probly still addyd out, I was trying to study earlier.

Leadership...
It means being alone. To lead is to live above the standards of others. To lead is to strive above the ambitons of others. To lead is to pull out of social norms. You are like your enviroment. So what is your environment? If you are never alone, you never make your enviroment. Sometimes to lead means that there will be no one there to help you, no one to have your back.

Changing subjects.

So, last night I stayed at my parents house because I didn't feel like driving home and...I totally had a heart to heart with my dad about life, philosophy, spirituality, etc. I felt like he was criticizing my lifestyle and morals. I try to avoid such subjects with him but last night i guess things were really just getting to me. I told him he shouldn't judge me on things he himself has not experience. I respect him for how he has lived his life and continues to live it, but obviously I didn't exactly follow in his footsteps.

Foundations and building blocks. He has a foundation he has everything built on. At this point in my life...I don't. I am aware. I am riding a thin line that keeps getting thinner. Being on the edge means you sway one way and then the other. Being on the edge can be a place of insecurity. Or...it can be an acceptance of what is. And what exactly is that? An acceptance that until you find your foundation, your building blocks aren't going to stack perfectly. Your going to tip to one side, then the other and in doing so...experience. In doing so, gain knowledge, until the scales begin to balance. I hope that mine will balance before it's too late. That is the game. That is life.

-AD

Hegel

A concept or thesis is no sooner posited than it produces the opposite concept which negates it;

And when these two concepts are cancelled out, reconciled, and transumeted a higher and richer concept, their synthesis, results.

This synthesis in turn becomes a thesis, and the dialectical, triadic, dynamic development continues...

-AD

this game we play

Everyday the things that we
strive for seem to fall farther
from our grasp than ever before
You get your hand, you play your cards
You play the best you can with what
your dealt
But if you play a bad card...
watch your world fall apart
right before your eyes
as you stand there and wonder
How will I ever win at this twisted
game we call Life??

-AD

just a thought...

Friend: i was reading socrates and stumbled upon this thought it was interesting cause of our converstation. "But I think that if the soul is POLLUTED and impure when it leaves the body, having always been associated with it and served it, bewitched by physical desires and pleasures to the point at which nothing seems to exist for it but the physical, which one can touch and see or eat and drink or make use for sexual enjoyment, and if that soul is accustomed to hate and fear and avoid that which is dim and invisible to the eyes soul will escape PURE and by itself?" Impossible he said....through it, such a SOUL becomes HEAVY and dragged BACK."i guess when you say your in a rut makes me think that my soul feels heavy and dragged back. Don't know just a thought

Friend: Not that i believe physical pleasures are bad, I believe god gave them to us for our pleasure, but the reminder that we are destined for more and I don't want my seeking of pleasures to destroy my soul

Me: profound thought. it's like that saying 'what we do in this life echos in eternity.' i know there is something similar in the bible, not sure where it is. souls are never destroyed so even if we end up in a better place, we're taking everything we put into them with us....scary thought.

Yes indeed.

-AD

On the things we have done...and have yet to do

"Understanding, and action proceeding from understanding and guided by it, is the one weapon against the world's bombardment, the one medicine, the one instrument by which liberty, health, and joy may be shaped or shaped toward, in the individual and in the race..."

Someone once attempted to explain morality to me as a perception. A personal, individual perception that is different for everyone. Is morality simply what you perceive it to be? Maybe it starts with a unique base for each person and is slowly shaped and changed depending on one's experiences and choices. A reasonable explanation? Probably not. Morality is an intangible so difficult to define.

The other night David had a profound comment. "Ashley, do you realize how many things we had done that we always said we wouldn't. Actually, we have done all the things we said we wouldn't do. All of them."
This is how David shed some light on the subject. Or at least pointed out the reality of it. I told him that comment was going straight into my blog, lol.
This realization is sad but true. Or is it sad? Or is it just us, and those close to us making our way through the world defining our lives by delving into all areas of it and experiencing it all?
Socrates did say...
“The unexplored life is unworth living.....” Wow. There's one that will keep your mind busy.

-AD

here's to nights of total mayhem

Ok, so retelling this weekend would take forever but here's the key points:
1. detoxing until my birthday is probably a good and necessary idea 2. i miss killa face already 3. rudys at 7 in the morning still hammered drunk is pretty slam 4. here's to trying new things that will never be tried again and 5. new vocab = "man pretty"

Yeah...Happy Halloween =D

The only thing about this weekend that is rubbing me the wrong way is the realization of wanting what can't be had yet again. Seriously...it's like a continuing cycle that never ends. WHY DO WE ALWAYS DESIRE WHAT IS OUTSIDE OF OUR GRASP. I so dislike being prohibited from things. Tell me I can't do it I will try MY ABSOLUTE HARDEST fo find a way TO DO it. That is probably kind of messed up, I know. I think it is safe to say that I am not the only person with this subconcious way of thinking. Maybe its just a psychological characteristic that some have worse than others. Also, on this subject that I am trying to descretely relate...I have concluded that I am officially on a drought right now, meaning that every opportunity turns into a reason why i CAN'T.
Well, the only reason I am, for once, NOT trying my absolute hardest to find a way around the situation is this: I am willing to give up trying for the sake of one of the people that I care about the most and sometimes you make sacrifices for people like that. Given any other circumsances i WOULD find a way...but I am stepping down. Gona peace out on this one. I guess the moral of the story is choose your battles wisely.....

-AD

Sometimes perfection can be a perfect hell...

-AD

think about it...

I found this on my myspace today it's super old and kinda juvenille but also profound....

"It's not about what they tell you. It's not about what they think about you. It's not about whether you're living your life they way they told you that you would if you became like them. In fact, it's not about becoming like them at all. You will never be like them. That would be contradicting the very thing that makes you human.
We are all free. We are all individual and no one can or will take that away from us. Not even God.
Don't believe because it's been "proved." Nothing can be proved. Nothing is for certain except for what you think you can prove to yourself. What can you believe? What is real? It's not real unless it is real to you. Don't believe because they tell you it's real. Believe because it's real to you. If it's not real to you then why are you kidding yourself? To be like them? Did they get it right? Do they have everything? The question is...did you?....and do you??
To tell you the truth...
no human did and no human does and no human ever will on this side of eternity.
BUT
That is why we hope, that is why we believe in truth. That is why we grasp the small things that have been real to us...the times in your life that you really felt it..when in your mind you knew it was real without having to convince yourself.
They say as you gain wisdom you gain sadness...but you also get closer to the answers that someday, I hope, you will be able to hear for yourself when you are standing face to face with Him..."

-AD

fancy clothes fancy caaarrs

Monday night at Shakespeares was an excellent idea. But I need to stop missing calculus 0=).

Today in poli sci class my teacher was gone so we watched a movie about the media. Pretty entertaining. They interviewed this guy who tries to get the media to cover bull shit stories. He made a "portofessor" and rode his bicycle around getting his friends (supposedly random people) to confess. He made front page of about 10 newspapers. He also dressed up as a completely bogus looking scientist and claimed he found a bacteria that cures all diseases. This bacteria comes from roaches. Media totally bought it. He got interviewed and everything! Wow.

My check engine light is on in my car again. Damn. I really don't want to spend my extra cash getting it fixed agaain. Hopefully it doesnt cost 3 bill this time.

"For a force there is always an equal and opposite reaction." Newton was so right on soo many levels. Think about it. Drunk = hangover Coke = terrible come down Ex = the most depressing day of your life the next day. Total opposite reacion.

Ok so here's something to contemplate...if the two people you love more than anybody are doing some thing that a.) you don't agree with and think is so stupid and dangerous and b.) could possibly be putting your life in danger...how do you approach the situation? What do you say?
Would your respect them for having balls or disrespect them for being complete morons or both?

This life we live...its a vicious cycle.
Where are you now? As I'm swimming through this stereo I write you a symphony of sound...

Hours pass and she still counts the minutes that he is not there.

-AD

yes, Ashley is making a blog...shocker